We went to bed about 2 in the morning.

I woke up about four with two thoughts in my head.
Thought #1: I'm going to have to watch Brian for the rest of my life or he'll die. If I had asked him if he was taking ephedra, he would have told me the truth. He will always tell me the truth if I press him. He won't tell his parents the truth, but for some reason I get the truth. If I'd had been supervising him as closely as I usually do, I would have caught it. But, as you know, I've had something else on my mind for the past few months. I don't know if I can do it, but I think I have to. I don't want Brian to die.

Thought #2: I have a girl friend who loves me just as I am. She LOVES the store that is my life. She LOVES comics and toys and shows about time travel. She cooks, she works, she prays with me when my idiot cousin stops breathing. She writes erotic comic fan fiction. She is erotic comic book fan fiction. Is this what I get for looking after Weezer the rest of my life? Because I have said aloud "I do nothing but take care of this idiot and this is what I get in return?" Because if this is what I get in return for looking after Brian. Okay, I can deal with it.

See you in the funny papers...
Simon

I'm getting this T-Shirt for Brian.

I don't know if it will do any good. But what the hell.

Brian went into cardiac arrest...

I don't know why, they said he was getting better. When Mom called they were still trying to bring him back, but by the time I got to the hospital (maybe eight minutes) his heart was at least beating again. It seems he was just taking some herbal diet supplements at perhaps eight to ten times the recommended dosage and that may have damaged his heart. His Mom found them in his room and showed them to his doctor. They've been banned in the U.S., but Weezer used the Internet (Damn Internet! No wait, I promised to never speak ill of it.) to buy some. He's always been terrified of getting fat like me. And being a lazy pot-smoking asthmatic, exercise is just not his thing. Jesus, if he wants to die so bad, why doesn't he just do it quick? But I know Brian doesn't want to die. He really kind of enjoys life in his own stupid way. Maricel got to meet Dad and my Aunt and Uncle. And out in the car, she took my hand and asked me if I'd like her to pray for him with me. And I did. God must love him, he's let him live this long. On a side note, thanks to everybody who has put in kind thoughts and prayers for Weezer. I know you miss him at the the shop. He's a big part of the ambiance. I wonder if God gets ticked that I never call unless I want something? Sharper than a serpents tooth...

Simon

Maricel was worried...

that SWSNBN had hurt my feelings with the "tub of lard" comment. So as we lay in bed, she was affectionately rubbing my pasty, doughy physique and making sure I knew that she loved me just as I am. I get that. I get that Maricel actually likes most of the things that SWSNBN disliked about me. One woman's trash is apparently another woman's treasure. My feeling weren't any more hurt than they were when I came home and found her gone. There's just a point beyond which someone can't hurt you any more. They can annoy you. And I am definitely annoyed. They can do two hundred dollars worth of damage to your back door and try to ruin your whirlwind romance. She could do all that for reasons I just don't get. But I don't think she can make me feel any worse.
"No wonder I couldn't find a girl." I said to Maricel. "I was looking on the wrong continent."
"And you were searching on land, when you should have been in cyberspace." She said.
"I'll never say a cross word about the Internet again." I said.
"I like it here so much." She said.
She could have meant America or Toledo or maybe my bed.
"Even with the bitchy blonde burglar?" I said.
"She barely even counts." Maricel said. "She can go live on a shelf with my big mistake."
"He ever break into your house?" I asked.
"No, I don't think he cared enough about me at the end to ever be bothered. And I did give him the jewelry back."
"If I had her freaking jewelry, I would have given back." I said. "Now I might just sell it to pay for my freaking door."
"See, I think you'd eventually give it to her sister." Maricel said. "But you might hold it until after her wedding."
"If I even had a clue what happened to them." I said. "I'm not spiteful. At least I didn't used to be, but I could be getting my spite on here."
Then the phone rang...